Helping Heuristics

Practice progressive methods for helping others, receiving help, and asking for help

Overview

Heuristics are structures that signal important elements to consider when entering a new situation. They are a tool to simultaneously develop deeper insight and help to respond with a quick decision-making attitude. This method is based on short exchanges that reveal effective heuristics.

How to use it

Avoid common traps when giving and asking for help.
Change unwanted giving help patterns that include: premature solutions, unneeded advice; adding pressure to force use of advice; moving to next steps too quickly; trying too hard not to over-help.
Change unwanted asking for help patterns that include: mistrusting, not sharing the real problem; accepting help without ownership; looking for validation, not help; resenting not getting enough.
Improve inter-professional coordination in any professional group.
Expand options when frustration takes over while in the process of helping another work team member.

How to apply it

Start:

You are invited to view all human interactions as offers that are accepted or blocked (e.g., improv artists are trained to accept all offers).
You are invited to act, react to or observe four patterns of interaction.
You are invited to reflect on your own pattern as well as shifting how you ask, offer, and receive help.

Setting:

Standing face-to-face. Everyone has one of three possible roles (it is a good idea to switch roles as the activity progresses). Form groups of three: a pair interacting (client and coach) plus one observer. It is a good idea to switch roles as the activity progresses.

Time/Steps:

Four rounds of 1-2 minute improvised interactions, followed by 5 minutes of debrief.
One client shares a challenge they are passionate about. While the observer pays close attention, the coach responds in the following pattern:

Quiet Presence: the coach accepts all offers, and listens compassionately.
Guided Discovery: the coach accepts all offers, and guides an inquiry for mutual discoveries.
Loving Provocation: the coach interjects advice, accepting and blocking offers as needed.
Process Mindfulness: coach and client accept all offers, working at the top of their intelligence. They should notice how novel possibilities are amplified by this mental approach.

Debrief on the use of all four helping patterns.

How to adapt it

Each person can be invited to create their own profile, self-identifying their default patterns and opportunities for growth.
Start with ‘fun’ patterns: neutral (zero response) and blocking by ignoring and interrupting.
Used when an activity like What I Need From You (WINFY) does not achieve its full potential—when you have fallen into one of the unwanted asking for or giving help patterns.

Tips

Encourage people to change roles in each round.
Focus on the client finding their own solutions (self-discovery in a group).
Note status differences, the setting, body language, demeanour, subtle signals.
The first round can be used as preparation for deeper work on any single pattern (i.e. quiet presence, guided discovery, loving provocation and process mindfulness).